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Goodbye Hiphop
I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I haven't been posting
much for a while, and when I have, it hasn't been terribly hip-hop
related. Well, there's a reason for that. I'm leaving, and I don't
just mean RMHH. I mean hip-hop. I guess this is my ultimate entry
to the "Yo! I'm Wack!" thread: I'm not hip-hop. At all.
Believe me, this hasn't been a quick decision. I've been thinking
about it heavily for months now, it's just that I don't share
every single thought that goes through my head on here. I mean,
hip-hop has been a big part of my life for the last several years;
but then again, was it really *my* life? I've finally realized
that it wasn't. To use the hip-hop vernacular, I've been "frontin'
" all this time. Not on purpose, though.
I think it's been all of the race threads on here that made me
fully realize it: hip-hop wasn't and isn't made for me, so what
the hell am I doing listening to it all the time? I can't think
of any specific examples, but Kari Orr in particular has said
some really thought-provoking things about this kind of thing
that really got me to thinking. It's not that I've "grown
out" of hip-hop, it's that I never was hip-hop. Like Snoop
said, "Ain't nothin' but a Black thang, baaayyybeeeee."
Whenever I see other white people walking around in their FUBU,
looking hip-hop, or "down" or whatever, I always think
to myself, "What a fuckin' wannabe, he probably doesn't even
know what FUBU stands for, let alone know what hip-hop is."
then it struck me: that's how people see me! Except I don't dress
in FUBU or any overtly hip-hop gear, but any time I'm browsing
through the rap section, or at a show bobbing my head, or asking
when the new Tribe album is coming out, I just know everyone's
thinking what a perp I am. And they're right. As has been said
countless times on here, there's just so much in hip-hop that
I can't relate to or understand, because I haven't had the experiences,
or lived the life style, etc. The minority (especially Black)
experience is just too integral a part of hip-hop for me to ever
successfully become a part of it. Although I did feel pretty comfortable
at the shows I've been to, there's always been a very large alternative/white
faction in attendance, so it's not exactly like I was that out
of place. I've picked up a lot of the slang into my everyday vocabulary,
and while I still have my natural large King's English vocabulary,
it's like I've got this little wigger trapped inside me saying
half my lines. It surprises peole when they hear me talk for the
first time, and those looks start to bother me after a while.
But then, why am I getting those looks? It's because I'm talking
like something I'm not.
It's not like I've been a wigger, though. I never use the "N"
word, I don't go trying to dress all "hip-hoppish,"
and I don't use *that* much slang, and I don't end my sentences
with, "yo." But still, just because I've educated myself
about a lot the history and have always been respectful of the
culture, I was never a part of it. I never really participated
in any of the elements, and there's so much in the lyrics that
probably just goes straight over my head or around it, since it's
not aimed at me.
I've had a lot of of nerve in here, that I now regret. Many times
I've argued with someone who's an actual MC, actually lives in
one of the neighborhoods I hear named in those rap songs I just
listened to, and has actually lived what MCs talk about, and hear
I am sitting in my living room talking shit I really have no right
to speak on. To anyone who really does live hip-hop (and I mean
more by the K. Orr model that goes way outside the four elements
and that 99% of whites can't experience) that I've ever argued
with, I hereby apologize. I'm not saying every other white person
in here should give up hip-hop, but you should do some real deep
thinking on wether or not you really belong. I bet if you're truly
honest with yourself, many will find that you really don't. Just
think about it.
Anyway, the transition's been going smoothly. I've already sold
my entire hip-hop collection to Rasputin's the other day (I only
got $413, cheap bastards), and aside from buying a few new CDs
(I *love* that Natalie Imbruglia song, so I had to get the album,
and I finally completed my Star Wars Special Edition soundtrack
collection, and I grabbed that Wallflowers CD) a lot of that money'll
help out with my union dues, and get my air conditioner in my
car fixed. I already had plenty of non-hip-hop CDs anyway, so
it's not like I'm exactly starved of music. Oh, and I kept two
Heavy D albums (hey, I grew up on Heavy D!) and Arrested Development's
first one. They're not overly "hip-hop," though, so
I don't feel funny listening to them. And I think I'm still gonna
get the new Beastie Boys album on Tuesday. Maybe even MMM's, too,
since that kind of turntablism is branching away from hip-hop
anyway. Plus, the Z and 105.3 play a lot of stuff that I feel
more natural listening to then hip-hop.
Like I said before, I never looked very hip-hop to begin with,
so I don't need to change my look or anything. Good old Izod'll
always be there for me. ;-) I've also cleaned up my language a
bit, not just eliminating hip-hop slang, but I try not to cuss
that much anymore, because while I believe it's the intent, not
the meaning that determines wether a word is positive or not,
most cuss words just sound ugly, and people who cuss a lot truly
do sound like idiots. I still do cuss, and don't plan on stopping,
but I try to get rid of the superfluous ones. (FYI, cutting down
on cussing isn't related to my ditching hip-hop) Music will always
be a big part of my life, it's just that it's going to be music
made for *my* ears from now on. And you know what, I feel a lot
more honest with myself and the people I interact with now.
I can just see this reaction coming, so let me say it before
one of you does: "If you can give up hip-hop so easily, you
never really were hip-hop to begin with." How do I respond
to that? Well, DUH!!!!! That's what I'm saying! Hip-hop simply
isn't intended for someone like me. And while it may seem like
me leaving is sudden to you guys, it has been anything but with
me. I've just been putting off writing this post for a while,
because I'm a procastinator like that. Why did I get involved
in the first place, then? Well, since it started when I was a
kid, it must have just been the aesthetics of it that intrigued
me. Then as I grew older, I did the thing that I do with any intrest
I have: try to learn as much about it as possible. So I guess
these two combined and dragged me into my long hip-hop phase.
Well, it's almost 2:30 in the morning and I'm kinda rambling
at this point, I'm trying to think of anything else I wanted to
say. Hmmm, should I take any last shots at people since I won't
be here to read the flames anyway? Naw, that would just make people
feel bad, and I don't want to do that. Maybe I'll just say this:
Flash, you're a lot better since you came back from your little
break, but as evidenced in your "this is getting ridiculous"
thread, you still have a way to go. Don't take that as a dis,
it's just honest observation.
Let's see, what else... Um, it's good that the web site's getting
started, and several of you are about to blow up. I just want
to wish all of you the best of luck and much success, because
while I've realized that I'm not hip-hop, I don't hate it or resent
it or anything, and there are a lot of creative and talented people
in here, and I hope everyone of you blows up. There's a lot of
really cool people in here. And I hope you guys manage to get
those tapes together, that'd be really neat. Oh, and sorry to
NyceStylez for making all of those reccomendations; while I made
them with good intentions, I'm not exactly a hip-hop role-model
to take advice from. But almost all of those albums are considered
by real "heads" to be classics, so you should still
like them, just take my reccomendations with a grain of salt or
get a second opinion, I'd hate to be responsible for someone wasting
their hard-earned money. Finally, even though I'll be forever
gone from hip-hop and RMHH, I won't be off the 'net or anything,
and I'm still a person, so if any of you want to keep in touch
or talk about Star Wars or Transformers or something, y'all know
my e-mail, or you can get it through this post. Besides, I haven't
given up my sense of humor, and I know that's all most of you
care about anyway. ;-) And if you see one of my last posts and
really feel the need to respond, if you want me to read it, it
*must* be sent through e-mail, because after I log out tonight,
I'm gone for good.
Well, I guess it would be a good idea to keep me out of the "Regulars"
page on the web site, and I hope I've adequately expressed my
feelings and reasonings behind this, and with all of that said,
I will bid you all my final farewell... Oh, what the hell:
Stay UP!
--
Mike Burke
(You'll notice the period's gone, but sorry, Akiem, you'll have
to find a new President, I'm giving that up, too)
To view the entire thread via Google, go here
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