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I'm whats wrong with hiphop today
Newsgroups: rec.music.hip-hop
Subject: hello, I'm what's wrong with hip hop today...
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 1997 00:50:36 +0100
Hi,
my name is suburban hip hop experience. You might recognize me
from such tv shows as The Wayans Brothers, Brothers in Outer Space,
or even the later episodes of Martin. I represent hip hop on my
terms: I've never been to the ghetto yet I speak ebonics like
it was my native tongue; I own and promote my own label, Soak
The Beans Records, and I put all my boys out on wax because they
sort of sound real; my clique consists of kung fu drug thug, token
street educator/ ghetto melody harmonizer, mr. bite flow (who
comes with a new, more popular and trendy flow every album) over-expressive
singing sister, and of course dj recycled beat. Together, we are
the Real Street Reprezentativz, and we own the radio waves, the
pop charts, the rnb charts, the top 40 charts, the rap charts,
mtv jams top five positions, and Joe Clair is our favorite comedian.
We do car commercials for only the finest foreign autos; gun commercials
for our thug listening demographic; cereal commercials for our
younger audience; clothing ads for the gq listener; and, of course,
we promote several types of liquor and cigarrettes while still
maintaining our religious integrity. We follow trends of underground-crossover
acts to obtain our new material, we bite lines, we use prerehearsed
album lines for freestyles even though none of us has breath control,
and we use the same verses in guest appearances on other rappers
albums, we add to/speed up/slow down/unnoticeably alter old school
beats/pop hit beats and flow over them for our listeners because
only a select few can recognize we are frauds with no talent.
For the rest of the unknowledgable, main target buying audience,
we are mozart on speed, cranking out hit singles which are album
cuts several years from the release of the last album with no
remixes or new b-sides every time our previous single falls from
number one. If one of us were to die, we all agreed that marketing
the death as poorly tasteful as possible would be the only available
strategy instead of honoring him. We have corrupted numerous somewhat
popular underground artists by placing them with sellout wailing
ghetto melody harmonizers and marketing their underground appeal
to their original audience and market the corssover appeal to
the rest of the free world. We don't do live shows, it's all lip
sinked from a bullet proof booth where non of our excessively
thuggish fan base can take a lick at us. My personal goal: to
one day be able to drive my yacht through my carribean island
port bought with drug money and record sales and drink expensive
foreign liquors and wines until I reach the predicted life expectancy
of 20 for a male of my race in apporixamately 8 years and take
the music and culture I exploited down with me...
by the way, did I mention my title recently dropped the "what's
wrong with" from its status...
peace,
--
after eight years of my life of hip hop and thinking,
the world keeps spinning, so lately I've been drinking...
Niko Suave
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